


my love had been frozen but you painted me golden

by everdeenwayland



Series: my theonsa fics [4]
Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: AND WILL BE, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Everyone Is Alive, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Mentions of past abuse, Mutual Pining, Slow Build, lots of pining, slowburn, soft theon, they are so in love its gross
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-02
Updated: 2019-05-16
Packaged: 2020-02-16 07:53:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18687277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everdeenwayland/pseuds/everdeenwayland
Summary: It becomes a common thing between the two of them —the pick-up lines— and she smiles every time. He thinks he’ll get tired of it, eventually.Spoiler: He does not.Or alternatively, how Theon Greyjoy fell in love with Sansa Stark.





	1. i. deep blue

**Author's Note:**

> English isn't my main language so forgive any mistakes! 
> 
> Hope you like it.
> 
> Title from Taylor Swift's song dancing with our hands tied

_I, I loved you in secret, f_ _i_ _rst sight, yeah, we love without reason._  
_Oh, twenty-five years old, oh,_ _how were you to know?_  
_And my, my love had been frozen, d_ _eep blue, but you painted me golden._

 _─_ dancing with our hands tied; taylor swift

 

 

i.

“You love her, don’t you?” Robb asks him, and it’s not quite a question but he still feels like he should answer him.

“I do.” He simply says, his gaze suddenly fixed on a black spot in his right shoe. He doesn’t want to look at him in the eyes, the weight of his own words suffocating him.

Robb puts his hand in his shoulder, making him raise his head to look with surprise at him. He cannot see a trace of hate in his eyes, his face calm, but what he does see is a look of determination. There is not a smile in his lips. This is too important for him to give him the wrong impression.

“Don’t hurt her Theon, I don’t want to see her like all those times again.” He warns him and Theon knows exactly what he is talking about.  

The thing is, he knows hurting her will hurt him more than anything. And he wants to tell Robb _that_ , but words don’t come to his lips. He has never been good with feelings, but this is the one thing he wants to do right. Not that he will do anything in regard to his feelings, except for hiding them _of course_.

He does not deserve her. Robb knows that. He knows that. Even _she_ knows that. But that doesn’t stop him. It never did anyways. After all, he is always been a fool for lost causes.

 

ii.

It starts in the most complicated way.

The first thing that comes to his mind when he sees her is that she is unrecognizable. It’s been barely one year since he last seen her, but he doesn’t think anyone can change that much in that little time. They never been close but even _he_ can see that Sansa Stark has become a ghost.

She moves in the most silent ways. She never raises her voice anymore. She doesn’t even participate in conversations unless someone asks her to. It’s almost like she has lost the fire she had.

No one in the Stark family talks about that. They try to dodge the subject. It’s not like he is there, of course, but he knows what Robb tells him.

“I’m going to kill that bastard.” He proclaims one day.

And just like that Theon is absolutely sure he is going to do it.

It’s a summer night, the night wind stirring their hairs. There’s nothing special about that day, Theon thinks to himself, just the two of them having a drink in one of the bars in Winterfell. The summer will soon come to an end, the temperatures dropping with every day that passes. He cannot get how the Starks seem to love the winter so much.  

Theon looks at Robb, his best friend since they were children, and he can see the hatred in his eyes. It’s an emotion he has become used to see in Robb’s face since Sansa came back.

 “I don’t think Sansa wants you to be on jail.” Theon tells him trying to get him to calm.

Robb let a long sigh escape his lips. They are all worried about her. Robb has never been too vocal about his problems, but Theon can see the dark circle under his eyes and how he can’t stop talking about her since she came back. He doesn’t blame him, he will do the same.

“It’s just that I… I don’t know how to help her. None of us knows really.” Robb confess to him.

Theon nods at him. He doesn’t know what to say, he’d never been good with words, and he’s even worse with other people’s feelings.

“Have you talked to her?” He asks and it may seem like a stupid question, but Robb shakes his head.

“How can I? _Hey Sans, wanna talk about the guy that abused you for almost two years? Yeah I kinda figured you wouldn’t._ ” He groans.

He has to agree with him, doesn’t seem like the smartest idea out there.

“Yeah, not the best idea.” Theon tells him. “Maybe try to spend more time with her? I don’t know, she could join us whenever we go out.”

“You don’t mind?” He asked him a little bit surprised.

He shakes his head. Everyone knows Sansa and he didn’t get along too well in the past, something he may or may not have the blame for, but he isn’t that spiteful.

He certainly isn’t.

And that’s how Sansa Stark became part of his group of friends.  

 

iii.

The first time he sees her out of her house she is walking alongside her brother, looking as lost as she has in her house. There’s something in her eyes that makes Theon feel sorry for her, all memories of the time he used to break all her dolls just to anger her vanished from his minds.

Robb is telling her something he can’t hear, they are too far for it, but he can see how he tries to look enthusiastic. She is looking at her brother, her long red hair collected in brains, and Theon can’t help but think that she looks way too pretty to be his best friend’s sister. Not that he will try to do anything if she wasn’t, of course, he is not _that_ type of asshole.

He greets them and then decides to do the most stupid thing he’s ever done.

“Are you a parking ticket? Cause’ you’ve got fine written all over you.” He says to her in the most serious tone he can while looking at her in the eyes.

In retrospective, he thinks that’s not his brightest moment but, in the end, it gets him what he wants.

She snorts. She fucking _snorts._

He can pinpoint the exact moment Robb’s angry face turns to a grateful one.

“You will never change, will you?” She asks him, a small smile on his lips.

He shakes his head a playful smile dancing on his lips.

“I don’t intend to.”

 

iv.

It becomes a common thing between the two of them —the pick-up lines— and she smiles every time.

He thinks he’ll get tired of it, eventually.

 

v.

He does not.

 

vi.

Theon finds himself looking forward to spending time with her, though he’ll probably deny it if anybody asks him about it. He has a reputation to uphold.

He has noticed that she is getting better every day, she resembles more a living person than a ghost now, and he is proud of her. He tells himself it’s because she’s become one of his friends. He knows he’s lying.

Sansa Stark makes herself a place in his life without even trying to. It surprises him, how easily she fits in, like she has always been there. _She kind of did_ , he tells himself, _but they were too busy fighting to see it_.

Her voice snaps him out of his thoughts.

“I’ve missed this.” She whispers.

He looks at her, at the way she grabs her drink like it’s going to go any time. None of their friends have arrived, and the only reason he’s there is because she has asked him to. Well, him and her brother but Robb’s not there yet, too busy making sure Jon is not having a mental breakdown about the girl he likes. He’ll kill himself if he’s ever _that_ stupid over a girl.

“What? Drinking beer with me? Pretty sure we’d never did that sweetheart.” He teased her, a playful smile on his lips.

She laughs softly as if the mere idea of it isn’t somehow impossible.

“No, I mean, having someone to talk to. A friend.” She says and he feels something ugly in his stomach at her words. “He never let me talk to anyone that wasn’t him.”

She smiles shyly at him and he reaches for her hand slowly. She looks at him and there’s a mixture of gratitude and surprise in her eyes. Theon doesn’t know what to say so he chooses not to say anything.

He does not know Ramsay Bolton, but he swears he is going to kill him.

 

vii.

He later finds out that isn’t the only thing that bastard didn’t let her do and he feels hatred for him in a way he hasn’t felt for anyone. It somehow reminds him of his father, and he knows it’s not the same thing, but he starts to understand her more.

“I can’t help but feel that everyone thinks of me as a stupid little girl who fell in love with the wrong person.” She tells him one day, when no one is present except from him.

They are lying on his sofa waiting for Robb to arrive so they can go out. He is noticed she tends to arrive earlier to talk to him and the thought of it makes his stomach do weirds flips, he thinks he needs to go to the doctor.

“But nobody gets what’s like, to undoubtedly believe that he is the good one, that one day he is going to change, really change, you know. But he never did, and I don’t want to think what would have happened to me if I stayed there.” She whispered.

“Let’s just be grateful that it didn’t get to that extreme, Sans, but I think I get it.”

She looks at him with those beautiful blue eyes of hers and he finds it difficult to look away from her.

“Your father?” She asks him and he just nods.

She doesn’t say anything, but he knows she knows. Everyone knows. The reason why he has spent most Christmas with the Starks instead of with his family. He’s used to the pitiful glances he receives whenever someone mentions that subject.

But she doesn’t look at him with pity in her eyes. She looks at him with a kind of understanding he isn’t sure he deserves. It’s comforting in a strange way he doesn’t quite get but he smiles at her anyways.

“You’ll get over it, Sans, just like I did. You are way stronger than me.” He assures her, his hand finding the way to hers, softly in a non Theon-like way.

And Sansa _smiles_ at him, _really smiles_ , and Theon knows he has surely fucked up this time.

 

viii.

Sansa Stark is going to be the death of him, Theon has no doubt about that.

He thinks about her when he wakes up in the morning wishing for a few hours more of sleep and he sees a meme she has sent him. He thinks about her when he eats and he remembers the way she likes to take a photo of every meal for her Instagram and although he pretends to hate it, he really likes the way she _beams_ like she is the fucking sun when she gets the right picture. He thinks about her whenever his phones rings with a new message and before seeing it he _wishes_ it’s a message from her.

He tells himself it’s a stupid crush, because she is beautiful and funny and interesting and the smartest person he’s ever known and… he should probably stop doing that.

And the big problem here is that Theon doesn’t _do_ crushes. He likes a girl, they fuck a few times and they part ways. It’s been like that all of his life and for the first time he doesn’t want that. He wants to do all that crappy shit she likes so much. Not like he has an opportunity to. But he wants.

And wants.

 

And _wants._

i.

It’s not until three months later that she really feels like her old self again. It does take a lot of therapies sessions and an incredible amount of effort on her part, but it’s all worth it. The day her therapist gives her medical discharge his brother Robb throws a party for her. He invites all their friends and family, and everyone hugs her and talk to her like she is some kind of hero.

Of course, Theon is there. Theon fucking Greyjoy, she thinks to herself, with his stupid pick-up lines and his stupid smile and his stupid handsome face, and she knows she has, without a doubt, screwed up this time. She is not supposed to fall for his brother’s annoying best friend who surely only thinks of her as Robb’s baby sister. The one that has been supporting her all those months because he _cares_ , just not in the way she wants him to.

Jeyne is telling her something about someone she doesn’t know —or maybe she does but doesn’t care about— and she can’t listen to her because she is too busy looking at _him._ Eventually Jeyne notices, of course she does, _she has_ _eyes_ , and Sansa is not ready what it’s about to come.

“He’s hot.” Jeyne says with a sigh.

“Yeah.” She nods before realizing what she has said out loud.

“I didn’t think you were going to admit wow, you must be really pining over him.” She laughs and Sansa feels her face heating up.

“It’s just a stupid crush, I’m don’t truly like him in that way.” She tells Jeyne but it feels more like she is telling that to herself.

She does, _in fact,_ like him in that way.

 

ii.

She remembers a time when her friends were dreaming all over him. She remembers how she used to be disgusted by it, how she used to find him insufferable.

It’s funny how the tables have turned.

Except that it isn’t.

ix.

He is lucky none of the Starks are especially perceptive, he _really_ is, or they’ll have him eaten by those massive dogs they have. So it doesn’t surprise him that the first one to notice about his feelings is no other than Ygritte, Jon’s girlfriend.

“Got a thing for redheads Greyjoy, don’t you?” She asks him one day and he swears to the drown god, he almost chokes on his drink.

“Don’t get me wrong, you are _fucking_ pretty, but I don’t my friend over there will like that.” He says and gestures towards Jon who is currently trying to beat his half brother on a stupid beat they have.

Well, Robb isn’t really his half-brother, but he is not sure about all of that story, and he surely doesn’t want to know about that mess.

Ygritte laughs and punches him in an unladylike manner.

“You wish.” She mocks him. “I’m talking about _her._ ”

He doesn’t have to look to know who she is pointing out, but he looks anyways because he isn’t strong enough not to. Sansa Stark. He can feel Ygritte’s gaze on him, but he doesn’t care, she knows it anyway.

“What about her?” He challenges her.

Ygritte looks at him like she doesn’t buy his shit, and he knows she don’t, but he is not going to admit anything to her. Not that there’s _anything_ to admit of course.

“You are dense as fuck.”

And she laughs and pats his shoulder leaving him there wondering what the hell has just happened.

But he forgets about that conversation in the exact moment he sees her walking towards him. She is captivating in a way no one else can with her beautiful blue eyes and her red lips and her warm smile and he feels like nothing he can say will ever do justice to her. He is out of breath when she smiles at him and he… he is an idiot.

“I must be in a museum, because you truly are a work of art.” He says to her because he doesn’t know what else to say, honestly.

She laughs like he has just told her the best joke ever and, although it stings that he knows she’ll never take him seriously, he felt like he can breathe again.

“Have those _awful_ lines ever worked for you?” She giggles and he finds difficult to concentrate enough to elaborate an answer for that.

“ _Awful_? You wound me Stark.” He gasps in the most dramatic way he knows. “I truly thought there was something going on between us.”

She rolls her eyes trying to look annoyed at him, but he knows she is not. He knows she find it funny, the flirting.

“I have to break it to you but ours is impossible.” She tells him and although she has that playful smile of hers on her lips, there’s something in her eyes he can’t quite place.

“I know, I am the bad handsome boy you’ll swoon over and will ruin your good girl’s reputation. It happens every time.” He says smugly.

She raises her eyebrow her lips stretching in dangerous smile. He has to reminds himself that she is Sansa, that he has told himself a million times he is not going to flirt with her. Even though that’s what he wants to do the most.

She gets dangerously close to him. So close that he thinks she’ll kiss him. So close that he can feel her breath on his lips. So close that he asks himself if it is really a bad idea to kiss her.

“Maybe you’ll swoon over me instead Greyjoy.” She whispers to him, her eyes dark, darker than he has ever seen, and he can’t think of anything.

He wants to run his hands trough her hair. He wants to kiss her senseless. He wants to hear her say his name in way she has never done before. He wants her to always look at him the way she does now. He wants her.

And he blames on the beers he’s been drinking all night what he is about to say next even thought it probably has to do more with the fact that he is an absolutely idiot.

“Maybe I already do.”


	2. ii. bad feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She knows he is only teasing her. She knows he’s been drinking all night and probably doesn’t mean it. She knows she is seeing things that are not there, things that she wants to be there. She knows he doesn’t fall in love. She knows he won’t fall in love —not with her at least. She knows.   
> But oh, how she wants not to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did you guys see the last episode last night? i absolutely love the part where Sansa took care of Theon's wounds and they eloped together and had three dogs, it was nice. 
> 
> in the end im going to make this a three (or probably 4) chapters and be prepared for next chapter cause its going to be angsty baby
> 
> anyway if there's any mistake let me know pls cause' this is un-beta-ed and english's not my first language, let me know if you like it by commenting, it makes my day :))

_And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis._

_People started talking, putting us through our paces._

_I knew there was no one in the world who could take it._

_I had a bad feeling._

_─_ dancing with our hands tied; taylor swift

 

 

iii.

"Maybe you'll swoon over me instead Greyjoy."

She swears her heart is going to explode in her chest, beating so fast he probably can hear it. He keeps looking at her, those hypnotizing blue eyes fixed on hers, and she wonders for a second what will happen if she kisses him.

He is too close to her.

It's her fault of course, not that she'll admit that.

 

iv.

She really wants to kiss him. Like really _really_ wants _._

 

v.

"Maybe I already do."

Theon  _fucking_  Greyjoy is going to kill her.

 

vi.

She knows he is only teasing her. She knows he's been drinking all night and probably doesn't mean it. She knows she is seeing things that are not there, things that she  _wants_  to be there. She knows he doesn't fall in love. She knows he won't fall in love —not with her at least. She knows.

But oh, how she wants not to.

x.

And Sansa Starks just throws her head back laughing like a little kid, her cheeks the color of her hair.

And it hurts. It fucking hurts.

And he tries to laugh too, really tries, and he does an excellence imitation of the Theon he used to be. Not the one  _he_  is now.

Sansa looks at him, a soft smile on her lips, her hands suddenly touching his arm.

"Nice one Greyjoy,  _that_ is literally the funniest thing I've ever heard you say." She says and he feels his heart breaking at her words. "Can you imagine you swooning over someone? Over me?" 

And with that he just knows that she has bought his pathetic excuse of performance. He wonders when he has learnt to pretend so well. He also wonders why it's so hard for her to believe that, he'll never know unless he asks himself and he  _clearly_ isn't going to do that.

"What can I say m'lady?" He gestures dramatically while saying this, and she snorts again, in an unattractive way that he shouldn't find cute.

He wants to slap himself. He is an idiot. And Sansa she... she keeps looking at him like he is her fucking knight in armor, and he knows better than to think that she does that because she  _likes_ him —she is been drinking all night just like he has— and he, he is  _undoubtedly_  imagining that look on her face.

He is nothing more than a friend to her, her brother's best friend. He tells himself he is happy being only that to her.

He is certainly lying _._

 

xi.

The list of Theon Greyjoy's problems it's becoming surprisingly long lately.

The Universe must really hate him. There's someone cursing him anywhere in the globe, probably his father, because if don't, he won't understand why he is in the situation he is now.

When the summer ends and autumn is already there, Sansa moves into Robb's apartment. And it's both a blessing and a  _fucking_  curse.

These days he gets to see her everyday as he spends time with Robb, and he is happy about that —who wouldn't? — but he is obviously pining about her and he fears it's becoming too obvious. He doesn't want to make things awkward between them, he doesn't think he'll be able to survive if  _that_  ever happens.

And Robb's apartment smells constantly like strawberries and lemon cakes and her stupidly sweet fragrance and whenever he steps a foot there, he just can't think. It doesn't help him at all that the beast she has for a dog loves him.  _Lady_  —of course that's her name who else could have a wolfish dog called  _that?_ — wages her tail violently when she sees him and licks his entire face and, even though he hates having dog's drool all over his face, he smiles at Sansa when she laughs at him.

"I don't think she loves  _me_ that much." She laughs while Theon is being buried under tons of fur and drool.

"I'm a lady's man sweetheart, it's not a surprise she loves me." He says patting  _Lady_ 's earsand kisses her fur.

"Oh, don't be so full of yourself Greyjoy, you are just lucky she is friendlier than Grey Wind that's all." She teases him, with that friendly banter he's become accustomed to.

"Keep telling yourself that to feel better, Stark, but you now it's a lie." He tells her.

Sansa smiles in the way she does when she knows he's right about something but doesn't want to give him the privilege to know that, her lips pursed and thin and he is not looking at her lips, of course  _not_.

By now, he is memorized her smiles enough to know exactly what each one of them conveys.

God, he really is that pathetic, isn't he?

 

xii.

It doesn't come as a surprise that the second one to realize about his feelings about a certain redhead is no other than Daenerys  _fucking_  Targaryen, her sister's  _something._  He is not sure about the nature of the relationship more than that they fucked, and he hasn't bothered to inquire more on that matter, Yara has never told him and he never asked.

He doesn't know Daenerys very much, but at least he is aware she is quite observant. And anyone with eyes can see the way he looks at Sansa, especially when he has drunk a few beers.

"You like her." She tells him and Theon rolls his eyes.

"No shit Sherlock." He replies.

They are all together on a small bar to celebrate Jon's birthday, all the starks, the Tyrrells and him and Daenerys, and some other people he does not know —nor he cares. He is not sure where Daenerys fits in there and recalls Robb telling him something like she was Jon's aunt, although he does not care.

What he  _does_  care is the way she is smugly smiling at him, like she knows something he doesn't. He frowns at her and finishes his beer.

"I swear to God you Greyjoys are the worst when it comes to feelings." She laughs at him but turn serious one second later. "Does she know?"

He looks at Sansa who is currently singing on the top of her lungs to some pop-y song with Margery and Jeyne and he can't help but smile and shakes his head.

"No, and she won't." He warns her with a significant gaze.

Daenerys tilts her head, clearly surprised by his words.

"Why?" She asks him.

Theon lets out a long sigh and looks at the floor.

"I don't want to die so soon, imagine what Robb will do to me. Or Jon. Or her mother. She fucking hates me." He jokes.

It's easier to joke around the subject than to admit that he knows that she can do way better than him and that there's no way she feels the same for him. So he jokes.

He can feel Daenerys gaze on him, and he knows that he hasn't fooled her. He lets out a long sigh.

"Don't tell my sister please." He pleads.

And Daenerys fucking Targaryen laughs at him. He feels that is not a good sign.

 

xiii.

**Yara 12:33**

heyyyy

how is my favorite brother doing?

heard u got a crush ;)

**Theon** **12:35**

im gonna kill that targaryen bitch

 

xiv.

Theon Greyjoy has always made fun of the stupid guys that fell for a girl and don't act upon their feelings. He believed them to be cowards, too busy doubting themselves to do anything. And Theon Greyjoy may be a lot of things, but he is  _not_  a coward who doubts himself.

But that's what he believed.  _Believed_ , in past tense. Now he knows is not that easy and that a coward is the last thing he feels he is being. He just doesn't want to ruin one of the best few things in his life nor does he want to hurt her.

He now understands all those corny love songs as well that she loves to listen. He really gets them now. Especially when she sings them idly while doing anything else —while he wishes for her to sing them to him.

Theon Greyjoy has become a wishful man, mostly when it cames to Sansa Stark.

 

vii.

It's not a drill, she tells herself, but she doesn't believe it for a second. Theon is singing Taylor Swift. Like, really  _really_ singing, not like all those times he made fun of her awful singing voice. And he does not sound bad, not at all. His voice is a little raspy and deep and if she wasn't already in love with him, she would be now.

They are in his apartment, a typical Wednesday night where they eat chinese and watch some stupid Netflix movie and talk about everything and nothing. She loves those nights, except for the fact that he always insists on doing everything for her, making it feel like it's a date. But it's not.

She can see how good he'll be as a boyfriend one day and it hurts her to know that she'll have to watch someone else enjoy that. And she'll have to smile and like the girl because that's what best friends do right? Sansa doesn't think she'll be able to do that, but she'll try for him, he deserves it.

His singing voice distracts her again, getting her out of her brooding, and she smiles. She gets up from the sofa and goes to his kitchen where he is currently washing the dishes —a thing he knows she hates doing so he does for her every time. She can feel the corners of her lips stretching on a warm smile, the kind of smile she always has whenever she is around him.

She leans on the door frame watching him. He looks gorgeous in an effortless way and she envies him. She envies his disheveled hair she wants to touch so much, she envies because hers takes hours to be seemingly nice and it isn't fair that he is that handsome without even trying to. He just is.

She hates him so much.

Except that she _doesn't_  but  _who_  cares at this point.

"Taylor Swift huh?" She asks him because if she stays silent any second more, she'll start thinking about things that can not be.

"Aye." He nods with a smile.

"If I didn't know you any better, I'd think that you like someone." She jokes.

She regrets saying when she sees the look in his face. He has change from his usual Theon-like demeanor to something she's never seen in his face. He looks like he's been caught eating the cookie his mother told him not to. He looks vulnerable and soft and open. And she knows.

She knows.

She is  _fucking_ right.

 

xv.

"If I didn't know you any better, I'd think that you like someone." She laughs.

He wants to scream at her, he wants to tell her that  _yes,_ he likes someone. He wants but he can't and he won't. He is not ready to face a heartbreak.

And she keeps looking at him and he can see the regret in her eyes and maybe she knows and doesn't want him to tell her or maybe she was expecting him to laugh and mock her, instead he is looking at her and not saying nothing and he is ruining everything.

Just like he always does.

Fuck.

 

viii.

"Is it that difficult to believe?" He asks her and Sansa can see a hint of sadness in his eyes.

She wants to hug him but doesn't think it's a wise idea. She doesn't trust herself in his arms, she'll cry or something worse. Like revealing to her that she loves him. Yup, not a good thing.

"Yes... I mean, not but... you are you... you know." She starts rambling and he shakes his head.

"It doesn't matter, don't worry." He tells her and there's a defeat in his tone that she does not like.

Sansa tries to take a deep breath, she needs to be unbiased to help him. He's her best friend and that's what she should do. Even though talking about it breaks her heart.

"No Theon, it bothers you and I want to help you. Is it someone I know?" She asks, soft and friendly, and reaches for his arm trying to give him the support he needs.

 

xvi.

"Is it someone I know?"

She doesn't know. He should be grateful, but he does not feel like it. She doesn't suspect a thing because the though itself it's so unbelievable that she has not even considered the option.

He wants to punch the wall. He wants to break the glass he has been washing for the last minutes.

He does not do any of those things. Instead, he lies.

 

ix.

He still doesn't look at her.

"Kind of, but don't worry Sans, it's just that I had a long day." He tells her with a tired smile.

And before she says anything about it again, he let the glass he has been holding on the counter and grabs a beer from his fridge.

"Want to watch the new movie of that awful actor you like so much? It's on Netflix now." He smiles at her although the smile doesn't quite reach his eyes.

She decides to let it be, after all, what she doesn't know won't hurt her.

 

xvii.

At least, everything returns back to normal. Or so does he think. Sansa and him still do their weekly Wednesday sessions, they still go out with Robb on weekends, they still talk about everything. But, sometimes, he catches her looking at him and he gets goosebumps and he feels like a fourteen-year-old with a crush.

Maybe, he is. Well, not technically because he's twenty-four, but he thinks the concept still applies to him.

 

xviii.

The third person — well the  _fourth_  if he counts Yara, that knows about his crush on Sansa is surprisingly Robb Stark.

Theon thinks it may be the most lucid moment in his best friend's life. And the only one. What a pity he has wasted it on his situation.

There's nothing really special about that day, he's hanging in the Starks' apartment, the one Sansa and Robb —and sometimes Arya too, share. It's pretty late and he is sitting on their sofa, drinking beer and talking about some stupid thing Robb has heard at work. They laugh and drink and watch the tv.

That's until Sansa appears. Theon swears he is going to have a  _fucking_  hear attack at the sight of her. Sansa Stark is really a sight for sore eyes but, that night? That night she was  _fucking_ beautiful, her long hair falls on her back like a red waterfall and her eyes are bluer than ever and she has painted her lips in the same shade of red her hair is and he... he can't think clearly now and, probably, not ever.

"How do I look?" She asks them, spreading her arms and gesturing to herself.

"You look beautiful Sans." Her brother says with a warm loving smile.

Robb Stark doesn't have to tell him that he is proud of his baby sister, Theon can see it written all over his face. Because Robb is the kind of person that can't hide his emotion, not when it comes to his family.

And then, Sansa looks at him, leaving him breathless and raises an eyebrow.

"No pick-up line today Greyjoy?" She asks him amused.

"Nah, you are too pretty today to ruin it with one of those, sweetheart." He replies with a smile.

She laughs, and for a moment, he can pretend that there's only them in that room. But it doesn't last much.

"Have fun guys, see you later."

With that, she is out of the apartment. Second passes, and Robb is unusually quiet. Theon looks at him, his face doing something weird like he has just witnessed something he doesn't quite understand.

And then, the grand finale. The part where Robb Stark suddenly fully gets what it's happening. Theon expect him to shout, to be angry at him, to call him names. What he doesn't expect is what comes next.

"You love her, don't you?" Robb asks him. 

 

xix.

And the inevitable happens. The things he’s been afraid lately. Sansa looks at him in the eyes and she then she goes:

“I think I’m ready to start dating again.”

And he _is_ happy about her, he swears. But he would be happier if she wanted to do _that_ with him first. He knows there isn’t any place for him in the equation, but he can’t help but wonder how it would be dating her. He’ll take her to all the good restaurants he knows she loves so much, he’ll take her thousands and thousand of photos for her Instagram page, he’ll even let her put her playlists on _his_ car.

But he already does that. It funny to notice how easily it would be if they were a couple, by now he knows all about her. So her words feels almost like a breakup to him —not that he had one in the first place, but he figures it hurts somehow like _this_ — and he does his best to smile at her pretend like he is absolutely cheering for her.

She smiles at him and he thinks, maybe all of his pain it’s worth it just to see that kind of happiness in her eyes.

God he is become a cheesy idiot.


	3. iii. hold you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some days, Theon Greyjoy can't remember a time where he has not been in love with her. It has become a part of himself, he thinks. Hey, my name is Theon Greyjoy and I am in love with Sansa Stark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is! the final chapter. I've loved written this and I’m so happy for all the positive responses this fic has had, thank you so much guys <3  
> I’m planning on writing more Theonsa cause’ they make me soft and I need to write away my disappointment with this season haha  
> Thank you for reading, I hope you like it, let me know in the comments!

_I'd kiss you as the lights went out,_ _swaying as the room burned down._  
_I'd hold you as the water rushes in, i_ _f I could dance with you again_

_─_ dancing with our hands tied; taylor swift

 

 

xx.

Some days, Theon Greyjoy can't remember a time where he has not been in love with her. It has become a part of himself, he thinks. _Hey, my name is Theon Greyjoy and I am in love with Sansa Stark._

Some days, Theon Greyjoy doesn't want to remember a time where he has not been in love with her.

 

x.

She knows she is stubborn. Her mother has always told her that, her father too. Even Robb sometimes too. She knows. And now, she is obsessed with finding out who does Theon Greyjoy likes, and there's not a thing in the world that's going to stop her finding out about her.

She tells herself she wants to know it just to see if she's a good match for him, Theon doesn't deserve to have his heart broken. Well, maybe he does, he has been holding the title of _local fuckboy_ far too long time and not without reason. One time, long ago, she had promised herself that she wouldn't fall for him. But apparently, promises weren't her things.

And so, she watches carefully every interaction he has with any woman they know. When they go out with the rest of their friends, she keeps herself busy looking at him. She tells herself that's just for the sake of her friend, but she can't fool anyone.

So far, there's no one that she can consider the object of his attraction, he doesn't give anyone _that_ much attention except, maybe, for her brother. And she knows for sure Theon doesn't like him —she did ask him one time.

"God you two are so _fucking_ dense, stop giving him heart eyes and kiss him already, you'll do us a favor." Arya groans.

"Arya!" Sansa scolds her but her sister only laughs in response to that.

They are seated on a table, their drinks in front of them, while the boys are in the counter of the bar ordering some beer, a typical Friday night.

"Sans you like him, and he likes you. It's easy." Arya argues, her logic unquestionable.

"I don't think he likes me, he told me he likes someone else." She mutters in response to her.

"Duh, that's exactly what someone that likes _you_ would say."

And the thing is, Sansa really wants to believe what her sister is saying, she really wants. But deep down she knows that she is mistaken. Theon doesn't like her, he only looks at her the way a friend would.

She isn't sure he is capable of seeing her as anything more than Robb's baby sister and she thinks she is happy being only a friend to him.

She is lying of course, not that _that_ matters now anyways.

 

xxi.

"You have to be cheating, there's no way you are so good at this on the first time playing it!" He grunts.

And she laughs so hard tears splatters from her eyes. He forgets why he was being an ass to her in the first place.

"Admit that you suck at this Greyjoy." She teases him.

Now, he remembers.

"I can't admit something that it isn't true, love." He says smugly.

She raises her eyebrow looking at him directly in the eyes, and he has never wanted to kiss her more than he does in that exact moment. She doesn't say anything, but he can recognize the look on her face. He has seen it countless times —the bright eyes, and the mouth parted open. She wants to kiss him. His heart beats so fast he is afraid it's going to come out of his chest.

He can see her hands fidgeting and the quick glances she keeps on giving to his lips. He is not sure how much time is passed before he decides to do it —perhaps some time between one second and three months, but he can't assure anything— to do the one thing he is been dreaming for months.

He is going to kiss her.

She closes her eyes, her cheeks turning a lovely shade of pink, and he raises his hand to caress her face the way he desperately needs, the way his hands have been aching to.

And then, a knock on his door startles them.

Sansa looks at him with embarrassment on her eyes and he swallows hard, an ugly feeling twisting in his stomach.

"I know you are in there Theon open the fucking door!" He hears his sister scream through the closed door.

He wants to murder her. Sansa gives him a significant look, her blue eyes filled with an emotion he is not quite sure he likes, so he gets up from the sofa and goes to the door just to get away from her eyes.

"What the hell do you want now Yara?" He asks her, sounding angrier than he intended too.

Yara smiles at him, her mouth curling into a knowing smile.

"Don't tell me you are already fucking that girl Dany told me about, I can't believe it took you that long." She laughs at him.

"That's not... What do you mean that long? You were the one pining after that Targaryen for one fucking year!" He replied, crossing his arms.

Yara laughs at him and steps into his house, looking at the girl sitting on his sofa with an amused face. Sansa, like the polite girl she is, gets up and rewards his sister with a gentle smile.

Yara doesn't deserve to be smiled by her, Theon knows, not when she is going to use whatever Sansa is going to say next to make fun of him.

"Hi, I'm Sansa Stark, Robb's sister." She says her hand extended towards her.

"I know, that asshole told me all about you." Yara replies looking at him with a significant look on her eyes.

The list of people Theon wants to kill is increasing alarmingly quickly lately. And he's always been a peaceful guy.

Sansa looks at him too with a half-smile and her eyebrow raised after hearing his sister's words.

"All good things I presume, though I don't think he is able to say something good about anyone that's not him." She jokes.

"You Starks are always so mean to me, I only say nice things." He pretends to be hurt by her words, and she beams.

He swears there's no other thing in the whole universe warmer than her smile or brighter than her eyes. Maybe he should consider writing poetry about her. Or maybe he should throw himself out of the window before he completely loses his head.

"You? Nice things? I have to laugh." Sansa teases him with a playful smile dancing on his lips.

He wants to shut her with a kiss. If only his sister was not there —and she loved him. But a man can dream, can't he?

"I've gotta agree with her, bro, you are an arsehole." Yara shrugs and Sansa snorts.

God he is never going to bring those two together in the same room again.

"What do you want Yara?" He asks, after they have stopped laughing at him.

"I had a few hours free from work and wanted to stop by to talk about a few things, but I can go if you two are busy." Yara replies to him, in a way he knows what she means by that. He can only hope that Sansa don't.

And he is about to nod and tell her that they can meet another time when he hears Sansa talk.

"Nah, don't worry, I need to go back home and do some chores, I was here procrastinating." She says with a smile.

She says goodbye to them and leaves the house, her absence weighing like a slab on his chest, even though he knows he'll see her again soon —there's not a day on the week they don't see each other, it has become a habit of them.

He doesn't want to know what he'll do when she isn't in his life. Probably something crazy or reckless, like begging her to come back.

He'll probably crawl on his knees just for her.

Of that, he is sure.

 

xi.

Only when she gets to her car, she let herself shed a few tears. She has almost spoiled everything. She nearly kisses him in his sofa, nearly throw herself into his arms knowing that he doesn't want her the same way she wants him.

It hurts her.

She has seen the desire in his eyes when she looked at him, but she also has seen the culpability too. She has seen the way he jumped out of his seat just to get away from her. She has seen the way his sister looked at her, like she expected someone different to be seated there. She has seen it all.

He doesn't want her.

And she is not a stupid girl, not anymore. She won't get her heart broken again —what is on pieces can not be broken again.

 

xxiii.

"She is pretty, I can see why you like her." Yara tells after she is gone.

Theon shakes his head. She is not just pretty. She is beautiful. She is the best fucking person he knows and the smartest too. She is so caring about the people she loves to the point she sometimes forgets about herself. She is soft like silk but strong as steel.

Sansa Stark is not just pretty. She is everything.

"She is more than that." He says and he's gifted with one strange look from her sister.

"I didn't think I'd live to see the day you'll finally catch feelings for someone." She laughs.

He is starting to hate hearing those words from everyone.

 

xii.

She starts dating the first handsome guy she meets, and she thinks that maybe he is the _one_. He is a bit of a fuckboy but treats her kindly. He takes her out on dates, and they laugh together, and they kiss under the stars. Everything is perfect.

Except for the fact that he is not Theon.

And she doesn't love him.

But who _cares_ at this point.

 

xxiv.

In retrospective, he should have seen it coming. Keyword: should. But he's been denying reality the way he always does, thinking that, out sight, out of mind. And, clearly, it doesn't work that way.

He sees her one evening holding another guy's hand. Theon blinks a few times, wanting to believe that he's mistaking a random girl for her, but it doesn't work. It's her. Sansa is laughing at some guy's jokes the way she laughs with him and he should be happy for her, but he is not. His chest is constricted in the most painful way and he finds difficult to breath.

He ends up getting drunk that night and fucking the first redhead he finds in the bar. He wants to tell himself that the choice doesn't have to do anything with Sansa but then he'll be lying.

He wakes up the next day, his head hurting and the other side of his bed cold. There's a paper with a number written on it. He throws it on the trash where it belongs.

He's been a fool to believe that their story wasn't going to end the happy way. That somehow, she'll fall in love with him and that they'll get their happy ever after. He has been an idiot.

 

xxv.

He doesn't call or text her for three days nor does he go to her house.

He misses her more than he has ever missed anybody. He misses the way she teases him, the way her laugh seems to light the room. He misses their playful banter, the pick up lines she pretends to hate. And he knows _that_ is an ache he needs to get used to.

But oh, how he has wanted not to ever have to.

 

xxvi.

He expects to hear from her. To see her name on the notifications of his phone. To hear his phone ringing with her name on the screen.

She doesn't do any of that.

 

xiii.

She sees him, one day, while shopping with Margaery for a new dress to wear to her date with Harry.

She sees him, and then she wishes she didn't.

He is not alone, sitting on a coffee shop, in front of him there's a girl, and he is looking at her in a way he has never looked at her before, with a soft gaze and a half smile.

"Isn't that Robb's ex? What is she doing with Theon? Are they on a _date_?" Margaery asks her as confused as herself.

"I... I don't know. I didn't know they knew each other to be honest." She replies.

And then, everything makes sense all at once. That's why he didn't tell her about Jeyne, he was uncomfortable telling her, Robb's sister, he was in love with her brother's ex.

Her stomach is starting to hurt, and she wants to throw up the last meal she has eaten.

"What a pity, I really thought you two were going to be a thing."

_Me too_ , Sansa thinks to herself, but doesn't say anything out loud.

 

xxvii.

Jeyne is pretty, not in the way Sansa is, but pretty in a way not many women are, he thinks to himself. Hearing her moaning his name makes him forget for a moment he'll trade anything to have red hair between his fingers instead of golden one. But that moment doesn't last long.

When they finished, she gets up from his bed, picking up her clothes from the floor.

"Are you going to leave now? We could continue this in the morning." He says and makes the attempt to kiss her neck.

Jeyne laughs in a way that reminds him of _her_. And he knows he shouldn't be thinking of her, not in this moment, not ever, but he does anyways.

"We both know this was a mistake, you are not Robb and I'm not Sansa." She tells him.

Theon wants to ask her how the hell does she know that, but she smiles at him with sadness in her eyes and kisses his hair before leaving his apartment.

There's a hollowness in his chest, he has gotten used to it.

 

xxviii.

"And you are going to give up? Just like that?" Robb asks him one day.

"I thought you wanted me to give up on her before that guy." Theon replied, frowning.

Robb let out a long sigh.

"That hurts man, I know you are a better option for her than that Hardyn prick. At least you love her." He says like that explains everything.

Except it doesn't.

"What do you mean at least I love her? He doesn't?" Theon looks at him trying to not let it show the anger he feels at that though.

But he doesn't do a good job at that because he can see the way Robb avoids his eyes, as if he regrets telling him that.

"She didn't say anything, you know, but... I don't know, he doesn't seem the type of guy. Jon knows someone who knows him and none of his girlfriends stays too long." He says.

And for a second all that he can see is red. He wants to punch that guy for not loving her the way she deserves —the way he desperately wants. It hurts him to know that another person gets to be with her and decides to not love her. He wouldn't waste the opportunity, not that he'll ever have it, but, in another universe, he wouldn't.

 

xxxiv.

"Enjoying my leftovers, Greyjoy?"

And he doesn't have to turn around to see who says those words, but he does, anyways, just to face him. Robb puts his hand on his shoulder, a small warning.

Harry Hardin or, alternatively, the asshole who broke Sansa's heart is staring at him, a smugly smile on his lips.

"I never thought she would be that easy, an ironborn? really?" He keeps saying at him.

"Shut the fuck up Hardyn." Jon warns him.

And the asshole just laughs at the three of them, like they have just told him the best joke ever.

"You two are a perfect pair, _the freaks,_ I'm sure you fuck her the way she wants, huh, like the _whore_ she is."

The next Theon can feel is the pain in his knuckles and a faint feeling of satisfaction. Harry lays on the ground, his nose broken, and he can feel a faint smile tugging on his lips.

And then, blackness.

 

xxxv.

"Sansa is going to kill you and I'm not sure if I should stop her." Robb tells him.

Except that he knows Robb will stop her. He knows that Robb wishes he was the one that punched him, too. He smiles but feels the throbbing of pain in his cheek.

"What happened?" He asks hoarsely, as if he's been asleep days.

That though scares him, he can't remember anything after that punch. Not that he thinks anything more than that is worth remembering but still he wants to know why his fucking head hurts like it's going to explode or why are they back on his apartment.

"You punched that son of bitch, and I'm not going to forgive you for stealing me the pleasure of doing it myself." Robb starts saying and pauses for a second just to punch him lightly in his arm, a friendly gesture. "You broke his fucking nose; can you believe it?"

His headache is getting worse and the constant rambling of Robb doesn't help it.

"And then?" He sighs.

"One of his friends knocked you unconscious and Jon and I brought you here. He left ten minutes ago and that's all." Robb explains.

Theon looks at his friend and he knows there's something he's not telling him, but he can't find the strength in himself to ask. He is positive he knows what he is keeping to himself and still doesn't say anything other than a grunt to show his pain.

His doorbell rings and he put his arm in front of his eyes, trying to evade himself from that sound. He can hear Robb mutter a guilty "Sorry" and exiting his bedroom to open the door.

And then, Sansa Stark storms into his house like a tsunami, taking everything with her. He wants to look at her, he really does, but he doesn't think he can bear to see the disappointment in those blue eyes of her. He prefers the bliss of ignorance.

He expects her to shout at him, to throw him some of the books he has on his shelves, to be angry at him, to do literally anything. What he doesn't expect is for her to sit next to him and hold his hand between her shaken ones. He opens one of his eyes, trying to see the look on her face.

Her eyes are red with tears, her face holds a grimace of sadness and she doesn't look at him. He catches a glimpse of the sideways glance she gives him, but she quietly looks away. He doesn't know why she is reluctant of looking at him, is he hurt so badly that the mere sight of his wounds disgusts her? Robb didn't say anything about that, so he doesn't think he is that severe.

Robb's steps on his door breaks the silence in his room.

"I'm going home to feed Grey Wind and Lady, okay Sans? Do you need me to come for you later?" He asks her while looking at Theon with an apologetic look on his eyes.

Sansa shakes her head.

"I came her on my car, don't worry, I'll go home later." She replies and Theon gulps.

Robb says goodbye with a nod and then, they are both alone in his house.

She doesn't look at him. He wonders if she is so angry at him that the mere of him makes her want to punch him. But that's not something Sansa would do, no.

"I'm sorry." She mutters, and, for a second, he thinks he has heard her wrong.

"What?" He suelta without thinking.

And that's what get Sansa to look at him, a question on her eyes.

"I'm sorry about Harry, he shouldn't have said those things to you." She repeats, her hands fidgeting on her lap.

"No need to apologize, it's not your fault." He replies.

_That_ is really a Sansa-like thing to do, apologize for something she has not responsibility for.

"I know, but I feel really bad for you, I know you don't see me as anything more than _Robb's baby sister_ and the things he said to you... It must have angered you, I get it, and it's my fault he thinks you and I are dating. I'm sorry." She whispers.

His brain short-circuits. He can't process a word Sansa has just said.

So, he laughs out loud, what else can he do?

 

xiv.

He laughs at her and she can feel how everything begins to crumble around her, how her breath quickens and her heart beats so fast she is afraid he can hear it.

She has always known what she feels for him is stupid, that he'll never feel the same way, but his laughter has hurt her in ways she hasn’t known possible.

 

xxxv.

"I know my feelings for you aren’t reciprocated but you don't need to laugh at me, you asshole."

 

xxxvi.

Does she like him? Does she _really_ like him?

He wants to pinch himself just to assure himself that he isn’t dreaming.

Instead, he just stays where he is, frozen like a statue.

 

He looks at her, his blue eyes piercing hers and with that, she knows she has really screwed up everything this time. He knows what she feels for him. He _knows_ and he can’t say anything.

Theon Greyjoy usually doesn’t really get to stay silent.

She can feel the tears in her eyes, her heart broken, and she gets up from his bed as quickly as she can, but his hand prevents her from it.

“Sansa.” He whispers.

She can’t certainly look at him. No, she can’t bear to see the pity in his eyes, his beautiful eyes she so much adores. Anyone but him. She wants to scream at him to let her go but words don’t come to her mouth and she simply shakes her head.

And then, his hands find the way to hold her face between them and forces her to look into his eyes. There’s a soft smile on his lips, a hopeful look on his face.

 

xxxvii.

He looks into her eyes, and with just that, he knows. She likes him. He feels like he has just won the fucking lottery. And he really has.

He wants to kiss her, but he knows she deserves to hear him first. He is going to do things right this time, he is going to tell her how much she means to him, how he has wanted to hold her just like this.

Theon Greyjoy isn't really a man of a lot of words but, for her, he can try.

"Sansa... You... You were never just Robb’s baby sister. You had always been Sansa to me and I… I love you, and I think I kind of always did." He says out of breath.

She looks at him breathless and he can see the start of a smile on her lips and he decides that _this_ is finally his moment.

He finally kisses her.

 

xvi.

And then, Theon _fucking_ Greyjoy kisses her.

He kisses her with a softness so uncharacteristic of him, his lips brushing hers lightly, his hands caressing her face. He kisses her in a way she's never been kissed before, like she is something precious in his hands —like she has never been broken before. She can taste blood on his mouth, and she wonders if it hurts him to kiss her with his swollen lip. But he doesn't say anything, he just keeps kissing her.

He smells like cigarettes and deodorant. He smells like those lemon cakes she loves so much. He smells like all the good things in life, lemonade on a hot summer evening, reading a book while drinking tea. He smells like _home._

 

xxxviii.

                They’ve been kissing each other for hours, like teenagers, but different somehow. He doesn’t want to talk about anything, he just wants to keep kissing her. He’s pretty sure if he opens his mouth, he’ll fuck everything up, that’s what he does. So, he kisses her, after all, he has to make up for the time they lost pining after each other.

                Sansa slowly disentangles from him and looks at him with a tenderness he feels unworthy of.

“I’m not a photographer but I can picture us together.” She says.

He wants to marry her in that exact moment, but instead he laughs like a little kid, throwing his head back.

“Are you flirting with me sweetheart?” He teases her with a soft smile.

He raises his hand to play with her hair.

“And what if I am?” She asks him in response.

“Then, I might kiss you again.” And that elicits a big smile on her face.

Sansa closes the space between them, her lovely blue eyes never leaving his. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to have her this close to him, his heart beating so fast he’s afraid she might hear it.

Her hand intertwines with his, and she kisses his injured knuckles.  

“Stay.” He pleads.

“Tonight?” She asks.

_Forever_ , he wants to say, but it’s too much for now. He is content just to have this night with her.  

“I won’t do anything you are not comfortable with, I promise you, we’ll only sleep and if you want, I’ll sleep on the sofa. I just want to wake up knowing this happened and I didn’t dream it.” He whispers.

Sansa kisses his cheek in an affectionate way, her lips staying a second too much —not that he’ll complain, _of course_.

“Okay, I’ll stay as long as you want me too.” She replies.

His cheeks hurt but he can’t help but smile at her.

“Careful love, I may end up making you stay forever.”  He kisses the nape of her neck and he can feel her giggle in his lips.

“Sounds like a lovely plan, count me in.”

 

xvi.

Some days, Sansa Stark can't remember a time where she has not been in love with Theon Greyjoy. Other days, she can’t remember a time where she though he wasn’t utterly in love with her.

She looks at him and she sees _him_ , she sees the way he tries to act tough in front of everyone, how he hit his own chest whenever he and Robb have a stupid competition and he wins, how he softens around her, how he loves her family —not only for _her_ , they are his family too.

He tells her everyday how lucky he is to have her, but she can’t help but feel that the lucky one is her. They take care of each other in a way no one else can understand. He is there to calm her during her night terrors, and she is there to hold his hand when his father —the biological one— dies.

She befriends his sister and even though she doesn’t like her girlfriend, she pretends to just to make him happy. He watches all of her favorite sappy movies without a complain. He kisses her goodnight and to wake her up, and they make promises for the future.

She has never been happier.  

 

xvi.

Some days, Sansa Stark doesn't want to remember a time where she has not been in love with Theon Greyjoy, and with his golden ring on her finger, she knows she doesn’t have to.

**Author's Note:**

> come to talk to me in twitter: __anxtria or tumblr: everdeenwayland


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